I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize