So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
