I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
