my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
