Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
