Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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