Already got asked if we're dating
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
