I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Operation Purity has been aborted
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
