I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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