I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was like eating out sand paper
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
