I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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