I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
