How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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