your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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