What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
