I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
