you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
