just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She needs sedatives and a leash
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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