I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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