I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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