I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
