U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
