i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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