Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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