she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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