Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
