The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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