I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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