I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
