I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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