She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize