What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
