dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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