I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
