I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
