there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
