so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
