I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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