I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
