so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
