i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
