I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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