Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
