Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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