hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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