You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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