Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
