she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
