Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
