ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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