Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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