You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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