Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize