another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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