ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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