My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
