My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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