Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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