I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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