she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
