PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
