OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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