Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
