My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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