She's JV to your varsity
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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