I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
then he tried to convert me to islam
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize