We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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