I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
