My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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