it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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